Jesus, My First Love

    Remember when you were a teenager and you had a crush on a guy at school? Remember feeling your chest start to get tight and heavy, like the pressure of containing your heart was about to make it burst… just from making eye contact with him across the canteen for all of 3 seconds? Remember the butterflies in your stomach at the thought that he had noticed you?

‘I found him whom my soul loves.’ Song of Songs 3:4

    The other day I was reading a book called ‘Spoken For’, and as I meditated on its message that I am redeemed, wanted, deeply loved, fought for, delighted in, pursued, secure, protected, held, His, his bride, his chosen one, and above all spoken for, I was suddenly aware of all of those symptoms once again. 

    And that’s when I knew. I knew that Jesus is enough to satisfy me. He sees me. He loves me just as I am. He will never leave me. He alone can provided everything I need. His faithfulness is unceasing, unfailing and unchanging. He has set me apart for Himself, and He lavishes me with gifts daily. He is, and always will be, my first love.

‘The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”’ Lamentations 3:22-24

    It’s really a very simple strategy for living this life we have been given: He loves me, and I love Him. There is nothing else I can possibly need, no harm can come to me, and I can never be separated from Him, because ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:8). We love each other because He first loved us. He loved us because His father loved Him – His father who is love itself. We were created in love, by love, to love. So love cannot be separated from Christ, and it will always lead us back to Him. The one who loves us unconditionally. 

    Just recently a friend talked to me about her struggle with singleness, and I found myself telling her something which I had experienced myself but never put into words before. 

“You have to learn to be content with just you and Jesus before you start a relationship.”

    As women, each one of us has a desire to be cherished. Too often we seek the fulfilment of that desire from the men around us – but by doing so not only do we turn our backs on the only one who can truly provide for us, but we also place far too great a pressure on those men. The truth is that as much as we need men to guide us towards Heaven, no man alone has the power to give us everything we need. In order to form healthy relationships, we must first learn to draw total satisfaction from Jesus. Sweet, dependable, ever-loving Jesus.

    As I sat in Adoration at a Nightfever event a few nights ago, the words I’d heard Veronica say in Easter dramas whilst growing up echoed in my heart: “What have they done to you, my Lord?”

He is my Lord. He is mine. He is yours. First, foremost and forever.