‘The world kills a woman’s heart when it
tells her to be tough, efficient and independent.’
John
Eldredge, ‘Wild at Heart’.
As a two year old I made my mum wait painstakingly
long while I refused help putting my socks on because I was convinced I could
do it myself. Now I lift weights and insist on carrying my own luggage no
matter how heavy it is. When I train, I push myself to the limits because I get
a kick out of the pain. If I’m told I can’t do something then I’ll be even more
adamant that I can.
Is there any problem with being independent?
I so badly want to say no: I am who I am, I don’t have to change for anyone,
and it doesn’t bother me. And to a certain extent that’s right! But the truth is that we weren’t created to
fend for ourselves completely – we were created to live in harmony with others:
each of us contributing what the others cannot. We’re bombarded with the
message that being strong means being driven and not needing anyone else, but
real strength is found in being humble enough to accept other people’s gifts.
Deep down we want to be seen as feminine, we
want to be cared for. But we’re scared of what that means. We’re terrified of
making ourselves vulnerable, so we push ourselves to keep up with everyone else. I
tell myself it’s because I don’t want to be patronised or feel like a burden to
anyone. But if I’m honest, it’s because I need to know that I can do it on my own. I
don’t want to admit that I need anyone else, because I’m scared of what will
happen if one day they’re not there anymore.
The world – my world – has taught me to be
tough, efficient and independent. It may have had a good go at killing my
heart, and for a long time I let it win. But
no longer. I’ve decided to take back my heart, even if that means being
vulnerable. That doesn’t mean changing who I am. I have a need for adventure, I
love to try new things and challenge myself physically and mentally, and to challenge
the boundaries of what I can learn. But not at the expense of letting others
in.
There’s a fine line between capable and
stubborn, and it’s a line I’ve been treading dangerously for years. My thirst
for excitement is a gift from God, but my need for control is not. By learning
to separate the two, I can begin to step into the character that God so
delighted in when he thought up who I would be. I can accept help without it
being a sign of weakness. I can refine my attitude without restricting my
dreams.
We’re
called to clothe ourselves in ‘strength AND dignity’ (Proverbs 31:25)! The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and I’m SO glad about
that.
