Mary, mother of God: A life of ‘Yes’

        ‘I am the Lord’s servant’ (Luke 1:38). One line. One line that sums up Mary’s entire life, and her entire character. Mary led a life of obedience to God. A life of self-sacrifice for the greater good. A life which fulfilled the prophecies of the Old Testament. A life of ‘yes’. 

        Mary may have been sinless, chosen by God and eventually the mother of Jesus, but she was still human. She still faced the pressure put on women throughout the ages to live up to the perfection expected of her. She still had duties and responsibilities both within her family and within her community. She had her family’s good reputation to uphold. Yet in an instant she walked away from all of that because she knew that the only view of her that really mattered was God’s. 

        In the Christmas story we have a tendency to paint a beautiful picture of the flawless woman who popped out a baby which went on to save the world. We neglect the harsh reality of the life that Mary accepted in bravely and selflessly saying ‘yes’ to God. Her ‘yes’ was not an easy response to a simple question posed by a colourful cartoon angel. It was an agonising choice which not only required great sacrifice, but risked her life and livelihood!

        When the Angel Gabriel appeared to her with the words ‘You have found favour with God’ (Luke 1:30), Mary had a choice. Though Gabriel brought the news that she would conceive, that conception had not yet happened. Mary, in her human state, had free will: she could quite easily have said no. Saying yes meant giving up her reputation, her family, her freedom and her future. Yet she did it anyway. 

        She said yes because she trusted that God knew better than she did. How often are we tempted to take matters into our own hands and try to manipulate our own lives? Mary reminds us that we are not meant to be in control of our destiny, and that ultimately handing over that control completely to God yields a far greater reward.

        Notice that, even though she was being told that something physically impossible was about to happen to her, Mary never doubted. She questioned how, but didn’t doubt whether God could create such an event. ‘How can this be?’ (Luke 1:34). Mary was open to the endless possibilities of God’s power, and willingly gave up the life she had in order to play her intended part in His plan. 

        Can you truly say ‘I am the Lord’s servant’? How much would you be willing to sacrifice to follow God wherever he asked you to go and obey whatever He asked you to do? As you celebrate Christmas, take time to reflect on your own willingness to take on the challenges God presents you with. Identify the areas in your life where you are still holding onto control by the tips of your fingers, and work towards having the courage to ‘let go and let God’. 

        Mary laid everything she was and everything she had before God, offering herself totally and utterly to His will. Perhaps we could all aim to live just a little more of that life of ‘yes’.

Elizabeth: Humility and Gentle Wisdom

        Throughout the Bible God’s power is often shown through a barren woman becoming pregnant after everyone has given up hope. Inspiring examples include Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Rachel, Manoah’s wife (Samson’s mother) and Elizabeth. The physical inability of these women to bear children - they were all well past the age of fertility - enhances the impact of the miraculous nature of their conception. Elizabeth, however, stands out from the other women in position in that she was not only granted a miraculous conception in her old age, but was able to share it with Mary, the mother of Jesus. 

        Both Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah ‘were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly’ (Luke 1:6; NIV). But despite their impeccable reputation as servants of the Lord and respectable status in society, the couple had not been blessed with a child – ‘they were childless because Elizabeth had not been able to conceive, and they were both very old’ (Luke 1:7; NIV). Note that the lack of conception is assumed to be due to some fault of the woman, rather than the man, and consider what this would have meant for women in those days. Back then, a woman’s barrenness was not only a misfortune, but a disgrace! Had the significance of Elizabeth’s son’s birth been made known to her in her youth, perhaps this burden would have been easier to bear. Yet incredibly Elizabeth did not become bitter about her barrenness – she retained her faith in God’s plan throughout her life.

        Every time we listen to the Christmas story, we casually skim over Mary’s visit to Elizabeth whilst both women were pregnant: seeing it as a nice detail but, essentially, just two women having a natter over a cup of tea – why is that special? Because Mary was several months pregnant, unmarried and legitimately (by law) at risk of being stoned to death if she was found by the authorities. The Visitation is unlikely to have been the purely joyful event it is often portrayed as – by sheltering Mary in her home, Elizabeth was also bravely putting her own reputation and safety on the line to save the Messiah she knew Mary was carrying! 

        As with Mary and Joseph, the Angel Gabriel foretold his wife’s pregnancy to Zechariah – ‘your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear a son, and you are to call him John’ (Luke 1:13; NIV). As a result Elizabeth knew that John would do great things, that he would be the one ‘to make ready a people prepared for the Lord’. Whilst Zechariah doubted this message, Elizabeth believed totally and utterly that God's power and love for her were so great that He could make even the least likely things happen. Yet rather than proclaim her fortune to the world or place herself on a par with her cousin, she humbled herself and bowed down before Mary – asking innocently ‘why am I so favoured that the mother of my Lord should come to me?’. Not only did she recognise the power of the child in Mary’s womb and its identity as the Messiah, but she ignored her own high status (we are told that her father was a priest, meaning she would have come from a highly respectable family) and saw herself instead as a lowly servant of her Saviour.

        Elizabeth teaches never to give up faith in the great things God can do! Even when we least expect it, he blesses us with the most surprising miracles that enhance our lives no end. Miracles that remind us it is not by our own works, but by the work of God’s hand that we prosper, because ‘all things were created by him, and for him’ (Colossians 1:16). Her pure, thankful heart reflects the child-like gratitude with which we should receive the gifts God is offering us, and her discerning wisdom offers the reassurance that even today, if we humble ourselves and lay our own desires down at the foot of the cross, we can hear God’s voice and follow His path.

How to choose a husband…

    I recently received an email asking about women’s expectations of male Catholic role models, and the characteristics they should look for in a man when considering dating or, more specifically, marriage. Coincidentally the topic also arose in conversation at my women’s group, which led me to consider it in more depth. 

    Firstly, this is likely to be a controversial post. Of course there is no singular ‘perfect man’, in the same way that there is no singular ‘Catholic woman’ (or Christian woman!). Secondly, the title is somewhat facetious – there is definitely no rule of thumb or easy strategy. The decision to marry is by no means a light one, and neither should it become a simple choice following years of desperation rather than a discernment of your vocation individually and as a couple. I don’t believe in following strict rules to find the ‘ideal man’, because that in itself would remove the freedom to follow God’s call however unexpected it may seem. However, I do believe there are certain qualities which are advantageous for women to seek in a man and for a man to strive to reflect in order for both to draw closer to God and to each other in the process. (Of course, there are such qualities in a woman as well, but that is a different topic).

Strength

    I don’t mean the physical kind that is ogled at and objectified in modern culture. I mean inner strength. Outward strength is often one of the defining characteristics used to ‘assess’ men in films, magazines etc. But that completely misses the far more important and long-lasting aspects of strength of character, determination, unashamed sensitivity, loyalty and faithfulness: the type of strength which comes from knowing you are a child of God and pursuing the life He planned for you. ‘True masculinity requires interior strength… if a man does not possess interior strength he is a walking contradiction of what it means to be a man’ (Jason Evert). 

Holiness

    ‘Without holiness, no man shall see the Lord’ (Hebrews 12:14). If a man strives to reflect Christ himself, in doing so he will draw closer to God. By seeking a pure heart and a close relationship with God he is also demonstrating that in a relationship he will not only allow but enable you to maintain your own purity. He will be respectful, open, honest, wise, and most importantly will incorporate discernment into every decision in your relationship – thus inviting God to be a part of it.

Sincerity

    If he has prayed about entering into the relationship, and feels it is right, there will be no reason not to be entirely up front and honest about it. A man who dances around the point and spends a long time flirting without actually expressing his intentions or asking you out is not a man who is likely to be clear and focused on finding a solution when something goes wrong later on. It is important that he should be dedicated to pursuing you, but there should also be clarity in the intention of that pursuit. The tension of flirtation may be fleetingly exciting, but ultimately honesty is the best policy when it comes to declaring his intentions and feelings. The hard truth is that that excitement of mystery very quickly gives way to the heartache of uncertainty and insecurity – how many of us have used the phrase ‘I just don’t know how he feels about me’? If you both know where you stand, you both know where and how you are progressing.

Courage

    It is natural to be threatened by the conflict we are all faced with when spreading the Gospel message, but having the courage to defend one’s faith is a good indicator that that person is stable and confident in what they believe. Peter’s denial of the Lord represented the intrinsic instinct of humankind to avoid embarrassment and protect the self against persecution. Therefore a courageous man, who will stand up for his faith regardless of the consequences, without fear of humiliation or condemnation, is a man who will help to nurture your own faith and will remain true to God’s commands.

Humility

    A man who knows that whatever he does is done not by his own strength, but by that which is given to him by God, demonstrates true humility. Whilst this means he aims to stay on the path God intends for him (and as such keep your relationship on that path), it will also mean that he is more likely to be willing to accept responsibility for his own mistakes, forgive you for yours, and work to improve the relationship at all times. A humble man who is secure in his identity in Christ without being selfish, conceited or indulging his human nature will also be able to guide you in your own journey of faith thereby bringing you closer to Jesus.

    Above all, seek a man who DOES NOT put you first. This may sound entirely counterintuitive – of course we all want a man who dotes on us and makes us feel special, but for a relationship to truly blossom GOD must be kept at the forefront. That means both people prioritising God over each other, even if that means making sacrifices. The best analogy I have ever been given for this is imagining the relationship as a triangle with God at the top: as you both move closer to God, you inevitably become closer to each other as a result!