Tuesday 11 March 2014

Perfect Imperfections: Freedom


        Tomorrow marks one week since Ash Wednesday, and therefore one week of my life which hasn’t included make-up or hair straighteners. In just seven days I’ve learned so much more than I had ever expected…

        When I first mentioned I was taking part in this challenge, several people remarked that they had never noticed I even wore make-up. I’ve never been someone who plasters it on or goes for a flawless look on a daily basis. But I do find a sense of security from being able to at least cover up my skin – which has never been perfect – and hide the blemishes. In fact, my ‘natural look’ is actually the result of a lengthy stretch in front of the mirror concealing the imperfections. My use of make-up has always been more emotional than physical. So, for me, the biggest sign of progress is simply my ability to show you this:


        I spent the weekend with an amazing group of young people planning an Easter retreat called Joel’s Bar. I turned up fairly late on Friday night, largely dishevelled after napping on a 3 hour bus journey, with hair that had been left to dry of its own accord (N.B. my hair literally has a mind of its own. Give it even the tiniest bit of freedom and it will go wild!) and a thoroughly blotchy face which had decided that morning was a good time to break out. But when I arrived I was just in time for a worship session – I walked into a room full of people I love praising the Lord and felt completely and utterly at home! My smile was genuine: the insecurity I anticipated was nowhere to be seen.

        On Saturday night we were encouraged to dress for dinner. I debated whether this classed as ‘a special occasion’ (when the exceptions of the challenge would allow me to wear make-up), and decided it did. I half-heartedly went through the motions of applying the make-up, but didn’t feel quite right. Somehow, despite vaguely looking forward to the moment I could conceal my spots again, I felt less alive than I had all day. 

        When my friend saw me her instant reaction was: “You’ve covered up your face! It makes me sad.” I was SO glad she said it! I needed the reminder that this challenge isn’t a form of self-punishment. I don’t need to desperately cling on until I can ‘fix my face’ again. Just because I can wear make-up on certain occasions doesn’t mean I have to! That night I didn’t want to – I didn’t feel comfortable, I didn’t feel like me! It was so strange to find that the insecurity and discomfort I had once felt when I didn’t wear make-up was now triggered by wearing it.

        So I washed it all off again and went downstairs for dinner in my girly dress with my hair tied up and my blemished skin exposed… And nothing happened! No-one gave me funny looks, no-one told me I looked ill, no-one laughed. In fact, no-one seemed to notice! Why? Because the people I was with were people who love me for who I am not what I look like. When they looked at me they didn’t see what was on the surface, they saw my heart and my personality – which remained unchanged. It took what I thought was a tough Lenten challenge requiring self-discipline and self-denial to make me realise that, but the joy that came from the revelation was immense.

        I have imperfections. Tons of them. But they are what make me perfectly me. The me that I was made to be, the me that my friends love, and the me that I can allow myself to love as well.

8 comments:

  1. YES!!!!!!
    Esther this is amazing. YOU are amazing. I'm so encouraged by you!

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    1. Thanks so much Miriam! Can't wait to see you at Joel's Bar :)

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  2. This is AWESOME, Esther! You are SO beautiful!! God bless you! ♥

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    1. Thank you lovely - so are YOU!! As Christian women we are SO blessed to have people around us for encouragement and affirmation :)

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  3. This is brilliant!! I am so impressed!!

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  4. Beautiful, Esther, and so important for people to hear.

    I don't wear (or even own) make-up, and it is a conversation I love having with the young ladies I am blessed to work with, as many of them have never noticed. I don't have flawless skin (in fact, at 28 I still have the indignity of spot breakouts!), yet very few of the young people I've spoken to about it have ever noticed.

    The more we share this experience, the more people are encouraged to try it and allow themselves to be comfortable with their own skin... and then be free to choose when they do and don't want the option of make-up.

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    1. Fantastic, Clare!! So encouraging to hear - thank you :)

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  5. LOVE it! This is so true, and so well written :) Well done <3

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