Every teenage girl, and later every
woman, has experienced that gut-wrenching feeling of inadequacy. We look around
us and there is always someone prettier, someone smarter, someone cooler. We look
in the mirror and all we see are flaws, things to improve, and things we just wish
were different. We try on clothes and all we can say is “it clings too much
here”, “it’s not flattering”, “I really need to lose weight!”. We tentatively
tip-toe onto the scales and immediately think “time to cut down”, “I’ve really
let myself go”, or “I wish I hadn’t had that 2nd helping at lunch – I’m so
weak-willed”.
Of course we don't accept that we
have a completely different body shape to ‘that other girl’, completely
different skills and strengths, probably a closer friendship group. We don’t
perceive the things in our own appearance that we would no doubt like were we
to see that same feature on a friend. Clothes don’t fit and we immediately
assume we should change ourselves to suit them, rather than considering that
maybe they just aren’t the right style for our shape. It doesn’t cross our minds
that a significant proportion of that weight might be muscle because, actually,
we DO go to the gym enough and we DON’T eat too much fat!
The other day a friend paid me a
compliment and I caught myself essentially replying “thanks, but you’re wrong
because…” It took a guy to point out that I just couldn’t take a compliment –
because males think differently about these things. My friend particularly liked
my hair that day and didn’t think twice about telling me so because that’s what
good friends do – they affirm and encourage. Yet my automatic reaction was to
explain to both myself and her the extensive reasons why it couldn’t possibly
look as nice as she thought, and had been done that way to cover up all the
reasons it would have looked even worse otherwise.
But we should be striving for modesty
without inferiority. For humility without insecurity. And for self-confidence
without fear of conceitedness. Because we ‘are
fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:13) in the image of God
Himself. Our call to ‘love one another as I have loved
you’ (John 13:34) does not stop at the people around us. It is a
call to love ALL of God’s people, including ourselves! The command to ‘love your enemies’ (Luke 6:27) takes on a whole new
meaning when we consider the age-old saying that we are our own worst enemy.
When we struggle to accept another
person we constantly remind ourselves to ‘love thy
neighbour as thyself’ (Mark 12:31), but by that reasoning I don’t
imagine that means we need to love our neighbour very much at all! We don’t
think to consider a different interpretation whereby that phrase does not tell
us to love our neighbour AS MUCH as ourselves, but rather to love both our
neighbour AND ourselves.
In criticising our bodies and doing
everything we can think of to change them, we are ultimately forgetting the
fact that ‘your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit
within you, whom you have from God’ (Corinthians 6:19). Our bodies enable us to live, to love, and to fulfil
His purpose for us – they are the greatest gifts He could possibly give us!
So I’m sorry for the times I’ve compared
myself to others rather than acknowledging my own talents. I’m sorry for
criticising the body that my Father lovingly crafted. I’m sorry for placing far
too much weight on what I look like and whether my clothes are stylish enough. I’m
sorry for measuring my self-worth by a number on the scales. And I’m sorry to
the millions of women whom life has made feel the same way. May we, like David
in Psalm 139, give thanks for the bodies God has given us, for His works are marvellous.
On behalf of women everywhere I would
like to make a promise to start again. Let us not be self-critical, because we
are picking fault with God’s work. Let us stand against self-rejection, because
by accepting ourselves we allow His spirit in. Let us challenge our
self-hatred, because God’s love is enough to sustain us. Let us answer back to the voice of
the enemy telling us we’re worthless, ugly, a failure, and instead turn to the
one who poured unceasing love and effort into our creation. The one who tells
us we are beautiful in His eyes. The one who tells us He is pleased with His
work and doesn’t see a single flaw – because He doesn’t make mistakes.
The
one who tells us we’re ENOUGH.
Thank you so much for this. I know it is no accident that I came across your blog this evening. I am recovering from an eating disorder, and your posts are exactly what I needed to read. I seriously can't thank you enough for the amount of peace I am finally feeling after reading your blog. It has been a rough year, but things are going to get better because I am WORTH something, I am FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, and I have God on my side. You are such an inspiration!
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