Kay is the National Director of Children Worldwide
I often joke that being a woman in ministry
who works with children AND has a disability, I really don’t stand a chance in
some of the more theologically conservative brands of churches that I was
brought up in. I was ‘given’ a view of what a woman of God should be by the
church I grew up in (not the one I now attend) and also by my ‘theologically
conservative’ family.
Through studying the Bible and reading the
work of other theologians I’ve now come to a completely different conclusion of
what a woman of God in the 21st Century should be. My views haven’t gone down
well with some of my family and their reaction to this has been a source of
great sadness to me.
When
I was going up (In the 20th century!) I was taught that a woman of God is some
one who marries - and then gives up her hard worked for career, has lots of
babies, cares for her husband and house, and can only be trusted to teach
children and her fellow women. (And of course make the tea and coffee after
services.) I had the “Princess Ideal” drummed into me!
For me, being a woman of God is not about
being a princess (or a house wife for that matter!). For some the princess idea
is a good and helpful notion, but the fairy tale element of being a princess is
weak - it implies that I need my prince charming to come and help me achieve my
status in Christ. I don’t. I was no less a woman of God before I married Steve
than I am now.
I have been told that not having children makes me selfish and
not the woman God wants me to be (my paraphrase of various comments - but the
implications were all the same). No one bothered to find out that I actually
couldn’t have children, and these comments were hurtful on many levels. I have
friends who happen to be single and/or childless who are amazing women of God,
and often put me to shame. I’m proud to have them as my friends.
So what does being a woman in the 21st century mean to me now? Well,
it’s common sense stuff really!!
It’s
not about how I look or what I do. It’s not about my marital status or how many
kids I have. It’s not dependent on how well I can cook or how often I clean my
house…. in fact, if it was down to house cleaning - I would be less than holy!
It not even about the fact that I often use wheels rather than legs to get
around. To me, it IS trying my best, through the help of the Holy Spirit, to
stay close to God through all the usual means and admitting when I struggle
with this!
It’s being kind, compassionate and slow to
judge. It’s having bags of understanding and being able to say to a friend in
pain “yep, life sucks – let’s have a coffee” rather than trying to give all
those really irritating platitudes whilst trying to ‘fix’ them. I find this is a
much better way of finding a more appropriate way to help (if needed) and pray
for them too.
It’s about being who God wants me to be,
not who everyone else thinks I should be, whilst also accepting graciously the
feedback of trusted friends. Please note: This is not about saying “I am who I
am, like it or lump it”. God often uses our friends to help us grow and change
into the person He wants us to be. I am grateful to the friends I have who mentor,
support and challenge me!
I have an added twist to being the woman
that God wants me to me…
Being
disabled brings many challenges and has a habit of increasing my cynicism
levels about church and faith. I have to work hard not to fall into this trap,
and it isn’t easy - being disabled means I have to put up with a lot of junk!
Being a woman of God means I need to work this through with God…..regularly!! !
Just as some would challenge the notion of a woman in ministry, some folk don’t
quite ‘get’ the idea of a disabled person in ministry either and constantly
want to fix me, or can’t understand that a disabled person can serve as well as
being served.
For me, a small part of being a woman of God in the 21st century
is trying to be a role model to other people, especially children, who also
happen to be disabled - showing them that they too can serve.
I am
a woman of God:
One
who happens to be disabled.
One
who serves children and children’s workers.
I am told that it shows in your eyes…… I
hope it shows in mine.
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